People enter into relationships with optimism and good will. Relationships often turn sour because ineffective patterns of relating become habit and lead to the withdrawal of esteem and caring for each other.
Avoided conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. A genuinely passionate relationship requires conflict, not terminal niceness or withdrawal.
Avoid each other
Occasional withdrawal is healthy. Habitually withdrawal (stonewalling or silent treatments) is death to relationships.
Conflict resolution, if skillfully handled, is one of the keys to a great relationship. Conflict out of control is an excuse for physical, verbal, or psychological abuse.
Habitually speaking (or thinking) criticism is hard on a relationship. Criticism is usually a sign of that the criticizing partner has some personal development work to do. Counseling teaches that it is OK to complain, but not OK to criticize.
Contempt is criticism escalated to outright mental abuse.
Fear is natural. Defensiveness naturally accompanies fear. Skillful communicating requires practicing techniques that allow you to drop the defensiveness despite your fear.
When You deny your responsibilty for your part of the issue, You wind up blaming you partner and then you try to change him or her.
Remembering mainly the negative experiences in a relationship is a predictor for future problems. All relationships have their difficult spots. Couples that stay together are proud of their ability to weather the stormy seas and are warmed by their memories of the happy times spent together.
Refuse to get help
Couple’s counseling and willingness to address issues works!
Believe that changing partners is the solution to your relationship problems
People may go through several partners while repeatedly avoiding the same basic issues. We naturally choose partners that push our buttons for our personal development. Refusing to learn from requisite lessons will require you to repeat the lesson.